GWAVA

Our internet spam filter at school is GWAVA, whatever that means. It does a pretty good job of taking out the inane and pornographic so it doesn't end up in the e-mail inbox. However, it also filters out the occasional one that needs to be read, which means I'm still compelled to read the subject lines on all of the junk mail. The subject lines are usually trying to entice you to buy a drug, buy a watch, buy a degree, get out of debt, or view some pornography, with some of these lines being pretty graphic.

Having spent many an hour in a college classroom, I can see why buying a degree would be a lot easier. Never mind the fact that if you get the new job as a result of it, your employer may actually expect you to have mastered the knowledge associated with said degree. I can also understand buying drugs from the internet. Let's face it, with your new degree you should be smart enough to self-medicate - especially when most of the drugs advertised are for your sexual pleasure. That being the case, might as well order the porno stuff at the same time, smart guy. And of course, you will need to buy a watch. The Rolex knockoff will be a good investment to make sure the effects of the self-prescribed drugs don't last longer than four hours and, if so, you can seek medical treatment. And last but certainly not least, be sure to keep the e-mail address of the financial genius offering to get you out of debt, because after you get canned because of the bogus degree, your only options are going to be laying around the house with your Cialis and your porn and maybe checking your watch to see when the last time one of your irate creditors called.

If the losers of the internet world would stop opening up these e-mails, maybe the spammers would find a new hobby and I wouldn't have to wade through all of that crap first thing every morning. Or maybe some genius can find a way to send them back where they came from along with the promise of a punch in the snoot if it happens again. That might make a good fund raiser for the boxing gym. I know I'd be willing to pay to see these knuckleheads get a good thumping.